I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am one with the molecules
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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