turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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