at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
