i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
