I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
