Only a mothe r could love this liver
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
