Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
