I'm drive I can fine osifer
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
