if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
