This girl is more easily done than said...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
