I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
