My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
