he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
