i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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