Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
and you fell through a lawn chair
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
