don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
