Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
