I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
