if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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