i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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