when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
