If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So much rum. So many feels.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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