Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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