I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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