Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
