The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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