So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
