i was born a porn star she said
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
