did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
