I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish I only lived at night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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