6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize