matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
