happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
