My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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