Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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