The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize