btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
do herpes really smell.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
