I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
