Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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