And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
