At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
