I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
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just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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