Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
