It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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