I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
