Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
