Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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