There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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