Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
