Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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