Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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