i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
