so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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