dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
