And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
