I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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