Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
