I didn't shave. On purpose
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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