At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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