just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Randomize
