how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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