Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
